Fear of Talking is Crippling Me

It's downtime. I can easily blame it on excessive exercising which brings along mental fatigue, but I know it is not true.
Poor memory and my inability to communicate well are to be blamed. I think I'm slowing down further. Ha! I thought I had a way of putting this down. Now, I can't even recall that.
I seem to like (or is it because of fear) hiding in my shell too.

Only the thought of dardar makes me better.

Yes, I'm going to study again. I know I'm going against my instinct, but I want one more shot at a degree. I just hope the process will not cause any hurt or friction to my loved ones. They matter to me more than anything else.