Tired

Yes, I am. Maybe it's another bout of depression. I'm just tired. I feel irritable and little energy for for thinking and exercise. That sense of losing touch with people is coming back. I begin to feel that I have difficulty communicating people. I disliked people who irritate who. Who irritates me? People who are presumptious and draw incorrect and careless conclusions about me. People who misunderstood me. If you're not going to care about me, please don't bother to draw any conclusions.

I'm tried, increasingly weary and maybe even afraid of this crowded and demanding country. Someone only recently discussed with me the difference between being alone and being lonely. I feel lonely, with or without people. I missed Joey. These are moments where I could pick him up for a good hug, I can't now.

God, why are you torturing me? I'm supposed to be contented with what I have, isn't it? I'm supposed to be much more fortunate than many people in this world, isn't it? Yet, why I'm feeling this way? Am I greedy? Is it greed? Expectating too much of myself? Giving myself too much pressure? Am I fighting for something that I can't achieve once again? Am I influenced by other people and now trying for something which I know I shouldn't be trying if I search my inner-self? Have I failed to accept myself yet again?

To my dearest dardar, thank you for your encouragements. I wish I could tell you how I feel now, but I just couldn't. Maybe one day, you'll read this. You're the sweetest I've ever met.